On my way to the Boston Arms I decided to call this 10 Things I Learned At Last Night's The Dead Weather Gig because I am lazy and lists are easy to write. Soon, I realised I was on to a loser.

I only learned three things, but before that, some other stuff I noticed. And before that, full disclosure. I have never listened to a White Stripes album the whole way through. I only know two songs by Queens Of The Stone Age. I didn't like that one song by The Raconteurs. I think The Kills are shit.

Michael Jackson and Meg White

The roadies all had identical outfits: wide-brimmed hats and big blue blazers. I usually like that kind of thing but formation dancing has to be involved. The SW1s set the bar high and these pals, shuffling around with guitar leads, weren't up to muster.

Then The Dead Weather came on. Alison Mosshart was smoking. How outrageous. She's like an actress (Shirley Henderson) playing a rock star, hitting her mark and messing up her hair like she’s a bit unstable. But they were pretty good. Here were four professional rock stars rocking out professionally.

They played a song called Treat Me Like Your Mother and Jack White (who plays drums, probably better than Meg White, not as good as Phil Collins) suddenly piped up sounding like the shouty guy from Linkin Park ("WAIT...TIME TO MANIPULATE!!!") and incited a keyboard-led freakout. Woah.

Alison sung about "having a bullet in her pocket that is burning a hole." Jack sung a song that has something to do with a buffalo and "falling like a domino." Lyrically, they're not the best. But then Jack got up, strapped on a guitar, shredded for a few moments, and everything was briefly awesome. Then it ended. Anyway, here are the Three Things I Learned:  

3 - The camera on my new phone is really shit.

2 - Jack White is pretty buff. If Carrot Top had black hair and took half as many steroids they could be twins.

1 - Supergroups are never very good.